The 20 Worst Lyrics Ever

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20. Where have all the poets gone? To pop music, of course. However, judging from our list, some of these esteemed wordsmiths could use a new thesaurus. We'll take your complaints at the end.

"If I was a sculptor

But then again, no"

--Elton John's 'Your Song'
(lyrics by Bernie Taupin)


Well, then stop bringing it up already! This line has been wasting our time for three decades.


19.

"Lucky that my breasts

Are small and humble

So you don't confuse

Them with mountains"

--Shakira's 'Whenever, Wherever'

The woman makes a lot of sense. And lucky that Sacagawea wasn't more buxom or Lewis and Clark might not have found the Pacific.

18.

"I love you like

A fat kid loves cake"

--50 Cent's '21 Questions'


Gangsta, schmangsta -- brotha should write Hallmark cards.




17.

"There's an insect

In your ear

If you scratch

It won't disappear"

--U2's 'Staring at the Sun'

It's sure hard to tell that U2 scrambled to finish their 'Pop' album. At least Bono didn't mention "driving rain."

16.

"Relentless lust

Of rotting flesh

To thrash the tomb she lies

Heathen whore

Of Satan's wrath

I spit at your demise"

--Slayer's 'Necrophiliac'

Never mind 50 Cent, these guys should write Hallmark cards.

15.

"Leaving was never

my proud"

--R.E.M.'s 'Leaving New York'


Sorry, Michael, but we scoured all of our reference books, and "proud" just doesn't wash as a noun. Lions do live in prides, but we don't see the relevance.


14.

"I ain't never seen

An ass like that

The way you move it

You make my pee-pee go

'Doing-doing-doing'"

--Eminem's 'Ass Like That'


Undoubtedly poetic stuff, but do pee-pees really go "doing-doing-doing"?

13.

"There were plants

And birds

And rocks

And things"

--America's 'Horse With No Name'

Like in New York, nouns are scarce in the desert, and apparently our poor soft rockers simply ran out of them. Too bad they didn't consult Michael Stipe: "There were plants and birds and rocks and prouds."

12.

"Time is like a clock

in my heart"

--Culture Club's 'Time (Clock of the Heart)'


Awesome analogy. Time is soooo like a clock, because, well, it's freakin' time!



11.

"I wish it was Sunday

That's my fun day

My I-don't-have-to-run day"

--The Bangles' 'Manic Monday'
(lyrics by Prince)


We're cool with the easy rhymes of Monday to Sunday, and even Sunday to fun day, but "I-don't-have-to-run day"? No, now Prince is just messing with us.

10.

"I'm all out of faith

This is how I feel"

--Natalie Imbruglia's 'Torn'
(lyrics by Anne Preven)


Can you say filler line? Like, oh, we get it, this is how you feel -- because it's been so darn long since you told us how you were all out of faith.

9.

"Now you're amazed

By the VIP posse

Steppin' so hard

Like a German Nazi"

--Vanilla Ice's 'Play That Funky Music'

Dude took the original song's "white boy" lyrics a little too literally. Good thing he specified German though, because those Austrian Nazis were way too light on their feet.

8.

"My panty line shows

Got a run in my hose

My hair went flat

Man, I hate that"

--Shania Twain's 'Honey I'm Home'


Horribly trite stuff ... but we do always enjoy the word "panty."

7.

"I don't think that I've

got the stomach

To stomach calling

you today"

--Saves the Day's 'See You'

And we're betting that this clever emo fella doesn't have the eyes to eye you, the hands to handle you ... or even the mouth to mouth your name. Oh, the humanity!

6.

"Your butt is mine"

--Michael Jackson's 'Bad'


The worst opening line in pop history. However, we hear it's huge in Dubai.






5.

"But if this ever-changing

world in which we live in ..."

--Paul McCartney and Wings' 'Live and Let Die'


Dangerous combination: Sir Paul having so much money and prepositional phrases being so cheap. Any junior-high English teacher would take points off for everything after "world."


4.

"Young, black and famous

With money hangin'

Out the anus"

--Puff Daddy and Mase's 'Can't Nobody Hold Me Down'


Sometimes the only things more crude than slang terms are their anatomically correct counterparts.

3.

"I don't like cities

But I like New York

Other places

Make me feel like a dork"

--Madonna's 'I Love New York'


So, so true. Which is of course why Paris is so famously known as the City of Dorks.

2.

"War is stupid

And people are stupid"

--Culture Club's 'War Song'


Boy George again, and this time he's illin' like Bob Dylan. We wrote a song just like this in seventh grade, but the next line was, "And your mom is stupid."


1.

"Coast to coast

L.A. to Chicago"

--Sade's 'Smooth Operator'


Sade was born in Nigeria and grew up in London, but her biggest hit reveals that she's clearly not a smooth navigator.